LETTER TO SANKANU’S BABYSITTER FROM THE WATCHMAN 
 

Dear babysitter: I have adopted an orphan named Sankanu. He is a very difficult kid to deal with so before I drop him off at the nursery tomorrow please take note of his following bad habits: 

1. He has a very hard time controlling his emotions. Understandably, this is an infant characteristic but baby Sankanu takes it to extremes. Watch how you tell him “no” because if it becomes apparent he can’t get his way, he throws a fit and makes terrible faces. This can scare the other well-behaved kids and embarrass me as a parent.

  2. My child, Sankanu, is only 4 years old but likes to think he is about 15. He recently was taught how to read and has a tendency to use big words he really does not understand. This might cause a communication problem not only with you but with the other babies in your kindergarten class. I’ll give you my cell phone number to call me when you have a hard time making sense of his speech.

  3. I think my newly adopted son was led to believe the fairy tale that he is a “Serene Prince” by his previous family. This can provoke conflict between him and the other humble and normal babies because I know you want to foster a sense of equality in your future adults. Whenever he gets out of line, take him to the corner and make him face the wall. You have my permission to punish him this way.

  4. This is hard for me to confess about baby Sankanu but he has a fantastic ability to tell lies. When I rescued him from the orphanage a few days ago he told me so many false stories I had a hard time deciding what was true or not. I panicked and thought of returning him back to the kid’s shelter but decided to be merciful at the 11th hour. Anyway I have made an appointment with a psychiatrist to cure baby Sankanu of this pathological illness.

  5. Baby Sankanu has a taste for expensive material that I cannot really afford because of all the new infant food and clothing I bought recently. I think he has an obsession with designer clothes and brand names. He got into to trouble with me the other day because he wanted me to buy a Hugo Boss belt and a Dolce and Gabbana t-shirt for him at the shopping mall. He is too young to be outfitted with such adult attire. I insisted he wear kids’ brand names like Oskosh B Gosh and Baby Phat. He now sulks and attempts to tear the baby clothes I make him wear. Spank him anytime he does this.

6. This might be a good or bad thing depending on how one looks at it, but my new son, Sankanu, is obsessed with the fantasy that he is God’s gift to women and irritates me when I am in the company of classy ladies due to his childish professions of love and improper touching. Please keep an eye out for this naughty action. As he grows older he will be taught about the birds and bees in his sex education class but for now he will only be allowed his toys and cartoons as hobbies. Besides, I don’t want any other parent from the class suing me for indecent harassment.

  7. Finally and I know this is going to be most difficult for you, please be aware that baby Sankanu is not yet potty trained. Yes, yes, I know he is 4 years old but even I was shocked when he had an accident on my modest leather couch the other day. It is a shame his previous guardians did not teach him to know when he has to “go”. If I have to pay you extra to change his diapers please let me know. I am working very hard to make sure he graduates to wearing real pants.

  There might be other hidden character defects, my new child, Sankanu, has not shown yet so keep me posted. I thank you for the good job you are doing in your work with children. Due to my occupation as The Watchman fiercely keeping a vigilant eye on those who want to hijack freedom in The Gambia I can be quite busy but it is all for a good cause. By the way I’ll send you extra clothing and a bib for baby Sankanu because he talks so much even when he eats and has a tendency to dirty himself. 

Thanks, 

The Watchman.