ALERT: ESCAPED ANIMALS KEPT AT STATEHOUSE!!!
ALERT: ESCAPED ANIMALS KEPT AT STATEHOUSE!!!
ALERT: ESCAPED ANIMALS KEPT AT STATEHOUSE!!!
BY Watchman
 
Certain lethal and wild animals have escaped from the Abuko Nature Reserve Zoo since July 22nd 1994 and have taken residence at Gambia’s State House. They have shed their animal forms and morphed into human beings. State House guards have been very curious and amazed at the strange and terrible noises emanating from the meeting hall for secretaries of state. One of the bodyguards of the president is undergoing treatment for rabies due to an unforeseen attack by a species that looked like a mix between a dog and some other wild cur. With the help of world renowned anthropologists and biologists they have been duly identified. For the sake of the common good of The Gambian public here they are.
 
The Hyena or scientifically known by its family name Hyaenidae is currently the chief animal impersonator at State House. Known by its human name Yahya Jammeh, this animal is extremely ugly and has an equally hideous and menacing laugh. It likes to eat cadavers killed by other predators, a main trait of parasitic mammals. The hyena is legendary for its powerful jaws which clamp down on victims mercilessly and without hesitation. Even though it is doing its best to camouflage its beastly nature, Hyena Jammeh can be easily pointed out by the spots on its furry skin. Hyenas stink so much other animals are terrified just by their stench when they encounter theses repugnant personalities of the wild. They take a dump anywhere and some have been even know to eat their own little ones.
 
Next on the list is the hippopotamus or Hippopotamus amphibious commonly known as Aja Isatou Njie Saidy. Hippo Njie just like her true animal characteristic is wide and very elusive. It is very versatile in that it is sub-aquatic, able to live in both water and land. This is a trait that has allowed hippo Njie to survive a long time in the hyena Jammeh cabinet. When the hyena goes on the rampage, kicking ministers off his cabinet like an enraged school bus driver ejecting unruly passengers, hippo Njie goes underwater until hyena Jammeh gets back to his senses. After making sure all is clear and tempers have cooled, hippo Njie gets back on land and takes her seat in the cabinet. Also, it is very hard for a hyena to push such a large animal as a hippo. Hyenas are not dumb, they know their limits.
 
Amongst these creatures is the gazelle or antelope of the genus gazelle. Very sleek, slender and easy on the eyes, (especially of predators), the gazelle of the cabinet is newly appointed Minister Fatim Badjie. Gazelles are very swift (clocking speeds of up to 50 mph for long periods) and so is minister Badjie. Notice how fast she rose from recent undergraduate to Secretary of State? There is one dangerous obstacle facing gazelles today because their vulnerability in the face of predators like cheetahs, lions, tigers and hyenas have made them endangered species. We should all pray for the safety of gazelle Badjie because any moment now, the other powerful animals could pounce. Will her long fast legs save her or will she succumb to the devastating fangs of hyena Jammeh?
 
Also on the animal farm of Gambia’s State House is dog Crispin Grey Johnson. We all love dogs. They make us feel like we are kings of the world. They wag their tails and jump gleefully when they see their master. Dogs run and retrieve anything you throw for them to catch because they love to hear their masters say “good dog!” Another canine characteristic is that they get so attached to their owners some sleep with them on the same bed. I am sure doggie Crispin Grey Johnson would have loved to curl up to his master hyena Jammeh on State House’s king size bed but first Lady Jammeh would not allow it. Besides doggie Crispin Johnson barks so much when he is singing the praises of his master, hyena Jammeh, it drives the first lady crazy. Doggie Johnson has kept his kennel next to the president’s office desk for a long time because even hyenas love to be pra ised and licked on the face.
 
The zoologists also came across a large group of vultures who are collectively known as the NIA in their human form. Vultures are lazy, dirty, unkempt, and have the funniest hair cuts in the animal kingdom. They feast on carcasses, shamelessly tearing into dead flesh with their pointed beaks. The NIA vultures are quintessential cads. They don’t swoop in for the kill. They just stick around until the Gambians are killed by poverty, sickness and hopelessness and chomp on their expired physical properties. That’s why satellite images of the Gambia have been obscured from space lately because a huge number of NIA vultures are circling the skies of the beleaguered nation waiting to glide down and torment the oppressed and dead bodies of hyena Jammeh’s victims.
 
As we go to press, plans are being made to call animal control to the State House premises to quarantine and remove these unruly mammals from the seat of government. Arrangements are being made to deliver them, after their capture, to any animal rescue center that will kindly accept them.  Most of these animals will be kept by organizations interested in saving God’s creations from unnecessary destruction.  There is one animal however that has had a hard time finding a home after its  posse of wild beasts gets ejected from the State House they have illegally occupied for 14 years: the ugly hyena Jammeh.
 
Gambiaswatchman@gmail.com

Posted on Monday, April 14, 2008 (Archive on Wednesday, April 30, 2008)
Posted by PNMBAI  Contributed by PNMBAI
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