The Chronicles of Bai Peul

THE GRADUATION

“Perplexed, bewildered even embarrassed, many of the guests decide to leave before any more damaged is done in their presence. The following morning when news of this meltdown reached the entire community, many realized that what has happened is no graduation ceremony but rather the coronation of a fool, a nincompoop who is about to unleashed his double degrees wisdom to an unsuspecting community that has nothing but love for him. Many lamented how they once hope his education, and training would mold him into a better soul”

Today is my day! I repeated Today! Is my day! Pointing his finger to the crowd of guest that was in attendance, punctuating with emphasis every syllable in the word "Today". I want everyone here to know that I, Bai Peul paid for this microphone, paid for this D.J playing the music, and paid for all this food and drink you are about to devour. Today I want everyone here to know, that I have graduated with double degrees in history and politics. This was the opening speech of a bizarre graduation ceremony in the city of Waleigh that in the years since then many came to regard as a defining moment, a watershed event if you will to a character whose antics like a modern day T.V soap opera was truly remarkable. 

Today all my critics will know that I am now, Mr. “Andu Fof“ Mr. “Ayaa Belon”  Mr.  “Ham Lep” Mr. “Sabi all”, and Mr.“Kone Tout”, continues Bai Puel. His guest caught off guard by this sudden and unexpected tirade, froze for a moment unsure what to make of this bizarre introduction from a man who like a wily politician had for weeks canvases every hamlet in the community, urging folks, begging them, even enticing the homeless, imploring everyone to attend his graduation ceremony. Surely this occasion, should be marked by congratulatory remarks and merriment. After all they have on many occasions in the past gave ride to Bai Peul to go work, and even go school, well before he learned to drive less own a car. 

Suddenly someone in the crowd yelled “Boy Melah”, he turned to face that direction. The name "Boy Melah", reminds him of his conquest in another realm and dear to his heart, a small smile came across his face. A sweat broke from his forehead run from his face and little tears came down his cheeks. He pauses briefly to catch his breath, and then raised the microphone, and turning towards the other guest continues. His face now fully covered with sweat, his nostrils a degree larger than normal. My struggle in this town is epic and without precedence he continues. I have driven a cab for 24 hrs non-stops, not even to relieve myself once while going to school at the same time. I used to do my assignment in the cab while ferrying my customer’s thro and fro. I have driven to every nocks and cranny in this state. Once I even picked the Governor of this great State as a customer and he was so impressed by my command of the English language that he said that I am the smartest African he have ever met. That I reminded him of Mr. Nelson, even gave me an autograph, a one dollar bill scribbled with the word “Bombastic” as tip for my services.  

I used to drive my cab with one hand, and turning the pages of my textbook with the other. With one eye on the road, and the other on the book, I would be reading and driving at the same time. This, my friends is called “Multi-Tasking” in case you don’t know and this word can only be found in Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary, of which there are limited copies and I was lucky enough to buy the last one at the corner store. In fact I drove this cab so much that the cab gave me a disease. A skin condition, that thanks to my learned friend, the great doctor Kaczynski, The only man in the whole world, who can cure this rare disease.  

Today! Is my day and all you haters, critics will listened. I paid for this microphone and I shall not be denied! In fact, I have heard some people said that my wife is even older than me. But I will answer them today and show them how uneducated they are. Now! How can I, Bai Peul be younger than my wife when I was in the same class with her? You see those naysayers can’t figure this simple answer, this simple logic but how can they? He asked when they never went to a university, never earned a single degree not to mention a double degree. This complex critical thinking requires training in advanced computational logic, statistical analysis, behavioral science and deep understanding of chaos theory. I was the only African lucky enough to ever attend this privilege class. In fact I used to challenge the professor so much so that after I left the university, they decided cancelled this class for fear it makes Africans too smart. 

In case many people here do not know, I was once voted “Head Boy” in my school. Out of a class of 37 girls, and 1 boy, I was the only one elected head boy by the whole student body. In fact I used to write for the school paper “Wah-Rek” and the whole school was so impressed and mesmerized by the depth of my writings, that they made me the editor. I even changed the name of paper to “Wah-Kat” to give it a new perspective personality, class and respect I brought on-board to now this reputable school. I was the first student-Journalist reporting for radio “Kang-Kang”. Once I wrote an essay that went round the world twice. This achievement was never duplicated until the advent of the internet. In my final year in High school, I was voted the most handsome boy in the whole school district by all 38 students in my class. In fact for those of you who don’t know the “Rise and Conquest of Bai Peul under as “Boy Melah” was started as a consequence of this endorsement. Anyway I will save that topic for another day. For Today!  I repeat Today! Is my Day, and I shall not be denied 

Perplexed, bewildered and embarrassed, many of the guests decide to leave before any more damaged is done in their presence. The following morning when news of this meltdown reached the entire community, many realized that what happened is no graduation ceremony but rather the coronation of a fool, a nincompoop who is about to unleashed his wisdom of double degrees to an unsuspecting community that has nothing but love for him. Many lamented how they once hope his education, and training would mold him into a better soul. How they now wish Bai Peul had stayed and complete his “Dara” studies and never touched this so called European education “Jangi Tubab, that is obviously making him mad. 

Editors note: This piece was earlier carried by our sister paper, the Gainako Newspaper. Enjoy. It's an interesting essay. We advise Gambian students to read this piece. It teaches your about morality, humility and respect for the individual. Thanks Mawdo Laama for the masterpiece.