ATTACK OF THE DISCREDITED MEDIA TRIUMVIRATE

By The Watchman

I just got off the phone with a contact at a major media outlet in Europe this morning. We were discussing the range of criticisms that flow into their offices and the response was breathtaking in its scope. They entertain everything from the mild to intense, from regular sources to occasional and voluntarily anonymous individuals. Coincidentally, I was multitasking, browsing the web, and stumbled into an episode of spectacular psychobabble by disgruntled twins intent on preserving their place in their imagined pantheon of Gambian media gods. After faxing the screed to the impartial journalist at this establishment for independent analysis, I got a phone call back and the verdict was not a surprise: the retort from the sensitive twins was without detached professionalism and mostly addressed hurt feelings and an attempt to salvage journalistic bona fides. I also forwarded another outburst from their little brother presiding over another medium and the answer: ditto. This discredited triumvirate of bumbling scribes is clearly jittery.

My response here will be fairly succinct compared to the one on Monday (Chauvinist Bantaba Journalists versus Fatou Jaw Manneh) due to a single motive: the attempted moves to unilaterally usurp the affairs of the GPU by an aging megalomaniac and his equally feckless acolytes have failed. A better coalition-based approach is now taking place and as a private citizen that passionately cares about the progress of Gambian media, I couldn’t be more elated. Besides this, I perused other Gambian online outlets and chat rooms to see the reaction of the observant public and the consensus was unanimous: a circular firing squad among our journalists won’t improve the current state of affairs and loud mouthed grandstanding by a particular individual who is confused about his role in the media (politician or self-promoter) has been jeered at and widely condemned thus further consolidating my point.

I have to give the smarmy, effeminate triumvirate extra credit for effort. In their desperate attempt to figure out who I am and inflict exit wounds, they trolled the internet for a picture of a watchman and came up with a pretty “impressive” cartoon effigy. I must say, humbly, that I am usually better dressed and much easier on the eyes than the unkempt individual staggering through the streets with a lantern and cane on a late night shift. It also illustrates the pettiness and salacious tendencies that impelled them to assault Fatou Jaw Manneh in the first place. Their brother at an even more mediocre media outlet fabricated a letter from a reader to his newspaper castigating Ms. Fatou Jaw Manneh and myself, among others, as the worst persons in the world. There were pathetic inconsistencies such as lambasting me for being anonymous while they entertained equally enigmatic sources like Kissy Kissy Mansa and Officer XO amongst others. They should also get bonus points for referring to me as “the Honorable Watchman” because in standing by the principles of respect for women and tolerance of others, I have indeed displayed this virtue of honor, a naked contrast from their caddishness, laid bare in their ignoble interaction with “enemies” real or perceived.

So here’s the deal: as long as the honor and personal dignity of Ms. Fatou Jaw Manneh is not impugned, the triumvirate can yap, yelp, and whimper all they want. I could have easily produced some of the vitriolic, hate filled messages about Ms. Manneh emailed to me by a member of this adolescent triumvirate but it will further add to their discredited posture on things personal and professional.

As much as I abhor their dirty tricks, sexist instincts and repugnant boorishness, I am holding out hope that the scales will fall from their eyes. After all, all religions posit that anyone can be saved if they sincerely want to. My biggest worry is the withdrawal pangs they will undergo as they wean themselves from decades of bad habits, intolerance for dissent and out and out shiftiness. On an even more serious note, what baffles me is why some journalists have sworn to not brook any criticism of their work. On any given required occasion, the Freedom Newspaper is always making corrections, always harboring searing differing views, always encouraging the submission of articles from disparate sources, always adapting and always nimble. For the record, Pa Nderry Mbai does not always agree with my view points on all matters but his smart journalistic instincts know a desire for patriotic expression when he sees one and he is keenly aware of the limited forums available to Gambians who are starved for personal liberty. My view points won’t be published in the Daily Observer. This is why Mr. Mbai’s thick-skinned, detached approach to the job has seen him endure and outlast critics and foes. This is why some say snide things about him in public then scurry to their PCs and read his paper in private.

To the bratty, sniffling triumvirate, here are my parting suggestions, unsolicited and free of charge:

I.   Attend Domestic Violence Prevention classes. The way you are going on disparaging Ms. Fatou Jaw Manneh, if you haven’t been hitting women already, you’ll soon succumb to the temptation. Act now before it’s too late! I’d rather read the painfully comical rants on your websites than see you languishing in jail. Knowing how sensitive you are, you probably won’t survive too long in the tough prison atmosphere that you could be potentially headed to.

II.  Take DUI Education courses. I cringe and wince every time I see your drunken displays of power as you attempt to assuage your “status” and “credentials” amongst your more tolerant peers. You have partaken too much of this imaginary chalice of wine and liquor that is your “birthright” and “prerogative”.  There are more established and older media houses the world over and their sober behavior is the secret to their viability and longevity. Get off the bottle, become teetotalers or risk crashing your already feeble newsworthiness into even deeper insignificance and ridicule. 

III.  Read Roberts Rules of Order: This document, used efficiently by much younger kids than yourselves and very sensible adults unlike yourselves will mercifully guide you on how to co-exist in committees, groups and any other organizations where human cooperation is necessary for the achievement of goals. It will shame you into confessing that your bungled hijacking of the GPU executive was puerile and amateurish. It will also help you govern The Gambia when you finally take over from Yahya Jammeh due to your superior management skills and numerous degrees.

IV.  Get Some Therapy: Judging from your hyperventilated overreaction to the GPU fiasco there are ominous signs that deep-seated psychological ghosts need to be exorcised from your suffering souls. Consult your medical insurance companies to see if you have coverage for a therapist in your area. Choose a female practitioner; don’t be afraid because the interaction will certainly help refine your non-existent skills with the opposite sex. Tell the therapist about all your fears, jealousies and embarrassing habits. If you go to bed with a teddy bear protectively tucked under your arms, let her know. If you suck your fingers when no one is looking, divulge this to her. If you quiver with dreaded apprehension every time The Watchman executes an article and get a sudden urge to pee, tell her. She won’t spill the beans. There is a code of confidentiality and trust between you two, a courtesy you did not extend to your fellow journalist Ms. Jaw Manneh as you threatened to embarrass and humiliate her in public. This website might help in locating sympathetic practitioners: www.webmd.com

V.  Take Geography Lessons: There are apparent reasons to believe the triumvirate is suffering from spatial and geographical disorientation. Their tantrums are reminiscent of the Taliban in Afghanistan who prevent women from attending school and others who annihilate female relatives in so called honor killings not to mention the expulsion of perceived infidels from areas under their aegis. Last I checked, this is the United States of America the land of freedom and Thomas Paine, John Locke ideals, El Hajj Malik El -Shabazz and Martin Luther King; not some medieval outpost where expression and dissent are brutally and violently resisted or perceived as assaults on one’s character. It’s not Darfur either and you are not the Janjaweed, pillaging, rampaging and raping at will. Let’s start from scratch guys. Lesson one, repeat after me: “God Bless America, Land of the Free…”. Wait, maybe this will be better in assisting you realize where you are: www.nationalgepgraphic.com

You’re Welcome,

The Watchman

gambiaswatchman@gmail.com